Allowance, and the two dollars in a card from Great Grandma for the lesser celebrated holidays (i.e. Valentine’s Day), are usually a kid’s first foray into money. Assuming they get either.
Growing up, my sister, brother and I never received an allowance. The deal was you live here, you help out. Our parents though, and our mom especially, liked everything done her way so there was not much “help” wanted from us kids back in the day. Mom pretty much did it all. We did have to make our beds reasonably often and when we accidentally left our bedroom doors open, if mom could “see the mess” inside, then we had to clean our bedrooms but, other than that, there really wasn’t much expectation as far as day to day chores went.
We did have to do a few things on occasion like stack wood and crush our dad’s beer cans. (The aluminum was worth money back then). Smashing cans was kind of fun, stacking wood, not so much… All three of us going back and forth trying not to run into one another with our arms full of wood and being mad at how the other person “stacked” us (put the wood in our arms) was less than enjoyable. Not to mention the wood stack itself had to be perfect. (I can still spot a crappy wood pile from a mile away). It felt like it took daaays to do the wood stacking and there was no cash, no new toy, no DQ Blizzard, nothing that felt even remotely compensatory at the end. To this day my parents would acknowledge my recollection as accurate although they would also add “But you had three meals a day, right? You had a clean bed to sleep in and a roof over your head, right?”
When it came time for my husband and I to decide what chores would look like for our kids we went with a slightly more flexible approach than my parents. Slightly. We did still adhere to the you live here, you help out philosophy, but we also made exceptions. If the kids helped with something above and beyond, we would pay them. If they were trying to save up for something special, they would ask for a job they could do to make extra money. We would either come up with something or they could always hit up their aunt and uncle or grandma and grandpa for some jobs around their places.
I have heard many different ways that families tackle the subject of allowance. I know some families that pay their kids for chores as a way to help them learn to manage money. (The two bucks on Valentine’s Day from Great Granny does not allow for many “teachable money moments”.) These families generally require the kids to save some and allow them to spend some in an effort to teach financial balance. I know families who teach their kids about tithing through their allowance allotment, and parents who pay their children allowance to be used for certain items like special clothes, electronics, or other items that exceed what the parent is willing to pay for.
When it comes to allowance, even though it was not something that we did with our kids regularly, I am not necessarily opposed to it. All the scenarios above seem reasonable to me. I think where people get into trouble is when they have children who will not lift a finger unless they get something for it. I am assuming you have either heard of children who operate that way, seen children who do, or maybe you have even raised someone who only provides their help if you compensate them for it. Now picture those same children as they become a spouse, a parent, an employee… They are not the people I would be drawn to as a partner in life, as a friend, or even a colleague at work. Being self centered can become a problem relationally, as well as societally. Doing your part and contributing to something other than yourself, because you know it’s the right thing to do, is part of being a person of good character.
We are all part of a family, a classroom, a workplace, a community, etc. and it is important that we learn to be a contributor in those realms. The earlier that children learn to help and give of themselves, the easier it is for them to continue that pattern into adulthood. While there are absolutely appropriate times to be compensated for our contributions and service, there are so many more opportunities to help, give, and add to people and places that don’t have an extrinsic reward attached. Taking on some responsibility around your home (the place where you eat, sleep, play and live) should be one of them. Helping elderly people, neighbors, anyone struggling and unable to accomplish something on their own, or maybe just someone (anyone) who you are aware could use a little extra support!
So when it comes to allowance, the issue for me isn’t so much about whether you pay your children or not, it is more about the essence of what is being taught through the acts of service and contribution. Every one of us has the opportunity, on any given day, to contribute to someone or something in a way that makes a situation better. The smallest of gestures, like opening a door for someone or helping to put away groceries, requires so little. Imagine how much easier and nicer life would be if every parent taught and modeled that type of consideration for others to their children, who then grew up to do the same…
