Christmas birthdays: What to do so your kid doesn’t hate theirs

Having been a Christmas Eve baby for the last 52 years I feel completely qualified to speak on this topic. There is a certain look we Christmas babies get when we hand over our drivers license or are asked to state our birthdate. The look from people whose birthdays are in the other 11 months, 3 weeks and 5 days of the year (give or take) is a combination of feeling sorry for us and relief that it isn’t them. The reaction from our fellow Christmas Eve/Christmas birthday comrades is what I can best describe as a knowing empathy and instant fellowship.  If you are a Christmas birthday person, you know exactly what I am talking about.

In my experience, most people who have their birthday on or near Christmas say that they hate it. Hate is a strong word to refer to just about anything, so I try really hard not to, I can say that I definitely DO NOT HATE my Christmas Eve birthday. I would not go so far as to say that I love it, but I can definitely tell you that my mom, in particular, tried very hard to make sure it was special given the circumstances. She wanted to be certain I was not among the Christmas birthday masses hating their birthday and feeling like they got jipped their entire life.

So, what did my mom do to help keep me from being a Christmas Eve birthday hater…?

Rule number one. Birthday presents in birthday paper only.

My mom NEVER wrapped a birthday present of mine in Christmas paper and didn’t let anyone else do it either! At that time of year obviously Christmas paper is most accessible. You may have even bought cute new wrapping paper that you are itching to use. Fine. Wrap some Christmas presents early, just don’t use it for your child’s birthday presents. I know it is tempting to use Christmas paper, because it’s what you have handy, but make the effort to go get proper birthday paper. Christmas time is super busy so I know it may feel like a hassle, but your child will appreciate the effort one day.

Rule number two. Do not combine gifts.

My parents never gave me one present and said it was for Christmas AND my birthday. Honestly, I didn’t even know that was a thing until I heard fellow Christmas Birthday People (CBP’s) tell me that happened to them. No April birthday kid would get half a gift. But apparently (again, given the time of year) that happens a lot to CBP. I am assuming it happens because Christmas is already an expensive time of year but my suggestion would be rather than purchase one gift, for what should be two separate occasions, buy two less expensive items and wrap one of them in birthday paper. That way your child knows you made the distinction between their special day and the day shared by millions.

Rule number three. There must be cake!

Buy or bake them a real birthday cake. My mom insisted that I have a birthday cake for my birthday every year. (Up until a few years ago when I finally reassured her that I would harbor no deep seeded resentment or negative psychological effects if she didn’t continue to get me one.) And, again, because of my mom’s thoughtful planning for me, I didn’t know for years that most CBP seldom (and some never) receive an actual birthday cake. Imagine going your entire life without a birthday cake! ☹ Someone may have written Happy Birthday on a pumpkin pie or stuck a candle in some other “Christmas dessert” for them but I mean a REAL birthday cake.

The whole time growing up I got a birthday cake just like my sister and brother did. White or brown frosted sheet cake, all decorated to suit my personality and interests and spelling out Happy Birthday Michele! And when I say, “decorated for a birthday”, I can tell you that holly berries did not make the cut in Pat’s book. I remember one of my birthday cakes being scraped off and the bakery had to redecorate it. Holly berries were a “Christmas decoration” and this was her daughter’s birthday cake. On a side note, my favorite color for years was green so those poor bakeries were tasked with decorating a birthday cake, using the color green, but in a way that did not resemble Christmas in any way, shape or form because of my mom’s hyper vigilance in her quest for giving me a bona fide birthday cake. Wreaths, poinsettias, garland border…not on my mom’s watch!

In terms of “rules” I would say those are the main ones.  Those are the things my mom did to show me that my birthday mattered to her; and also so it felt as normal as possible for me. When I was born my Grandpa told my mom he thought she should just have my birthday in June (my half birthday) but my mom wasn’t having it. I was a December baby and that’s when she wanted everyone to celebrate me. Fun Fact- My wedding anniversary is on my half birthday (June 24^th) so my Grandpa did kind of get his wish. I do celebrate in June! 😉

Having friends over, or having a birthday party, isn’t on the list of “rules” because that isn’t the easiest thing to accomplish for Christmas birthdays. Everyone is spending time with their own families so you probably aren’t going to get a great turn out no matter how fabulous a birthday event you plan. I took a friend to dinner once the week of my birthday which I still remember and thought was pretty fun. I guess the friend/party portion of the birthday will need to be worked out on a case by case. I’m not much help with that part.

If you are a parent or caregiver trying to plan for your child’s Christmas birthday this year, think about the details. The cake, wrapping paper, presents, etc. It just takes a little effort to make sure that all that stuff looks just like it would if they were born any other time of the year. Also, especially if friends aren’t an option, consider finding time for the family to focus on just the birthday boy/girl at some point in the day on their actual birthday. If you are able to pull these things off, it really is possible to have your child grow up not hating their Christmas birthday!