When our son Bryer was not quite three-years-old, we were at a party store with his little sister, my sister-in-law, and her young son. As we walked around the store an employee came up to us, extended her arm to Bryer, and offered him a balloon. I don’t recall the color of the balloon she offered, but what I do remember, was that he asked her for a different color balloon. Regardless of age, when being offered a (blue?) balloon, the response should not be “I want a red one!”
Yes, Bryer was young and, yes, I realize that he was not intending to be impolite. He was just a little boy who innocently wanted what he wanted. I thanked the lady for the offer but said no thank you to Bryer getting a balloon. She looked at the younger two, not really quite sure what to do with the other balloons she had brought over. I told her it was ok, the other two could have them. She seemed uncertain but gave the younger two each a balloon before walking away.
As she walked away Bryer said that he wanted a balloon. I told him I knew he did, but that when someone offers you something it is polite to either take it and say, “Thank you” or, if you don’t want what they are offering you (for whatever the reason) you simply say “No, thank you.” Only allowing the two options is one way to stop creating entitled children.
I follow another parenting blog on Instagram that I rarely ever agree with. Lol When I write I often wonder what they would think about my perspective? I assume they would not agree with mine any more than I agree with theirs. Would they think that because Bryer was so young, I should have just let the lady give him the color of balloon he wanted? If so, I wonder at what age they would have deemed his response inappropriate? 5-years-old? 10? 16? The earlier we teach foundational lessons of appreciation the sooner our kids become thoughtful and accountable little humans. They can understand (and handle) these lessons from a very early age when taught consistently and lovingly.
Our dad worked for the same company from the time he was 19-years-old (he started the year I was born) until he retired at the age of 54. His company put on the most amazing events for families while we were growing up. His company supplemented these large events with money earned from the employee vending machines that was then donated by the “Rec Club”. There were Easter egg hunts for all the employee’s kids every year, and a huge summer picnic with all the games and food and ice cream you could eat! They also had a Christmas Party each year for the employees, their spouses, and the children of the employees. Every kid would get a card with their age and gender written on it and then you would get in the corresponding line to receive a gift that was considered age and gender appropriate.
There were always two different gift options for each age/gender group. You were to wait in line and, once it was your turn, you handed over the card to the volunteer at the gift station. The idea was for the volunteer to hand you one of the two gifts and then they would move on to the next kid in line. However, it rarely worked that way. Many of the kids either traded the gift back in (if it wasn’t the one they wanted) OR they didn’t even wait to see which one they’d be given and would announce what they wanted once they made it to the front of the line. Sadly (but not surprisingly) there was no shortage of parents doing the same thing.
I don’t remember a single year getting my preferred toy. (Pretty sure they saved those for all the “askers” they knew they would have to deal with). I wanted so badly to ask for the thing I wanted but I never did. Why? Because we knew unequivocally, we were not allowed to ask. The choices my parents gave us were that we could either take what we were handed by the volunteer, or we could leave with nothing. And, while I really hated those choices as a kid, I am eternally grateful that Ken and Pat were not about to raise entitled children.
What my parents told us was that my dad’s company was doing something kind that they did not have to do. They talked to us about the amount of time and money that went into putting on the Christmas party (and all the other events) and that the company did it as a kind gesture, not because they had to. They were never going to allow us to be the kids that pushed and shoved to get more Easter eggs during the big hunt, or to take four ice cream cups at the summer picnic and not care if we even finished them. So it was no surprise that we weren’t going to be allowed to be rude when being given a gift.
Once we teach our kids to start thinking in that manner, it is truly a game changer. They become more mindful of the things others do for them and understand appropriate responses for thoughtfulness. It is one way to stop creating entitled children and to promote true appreciation!
