Hello, my name is Bryer and I was raised to be an accountable child. While of course memories are imperfect and I cannot separate myself from all my implicit biases, I am happy with who I am and I believe a lot of who I am is thanks to how I was raised.
Currently, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Child Mental Health Specialist. What my mom came to through a lot of trial and error, I came to through studying a lot of other people’s trials and errors. At this point in my career, I have thousands of hours of experience working with all sorts of families, handling all sorts of issues, in all sorts of ways. What this knowledge and experience has shown me, repeatedly, is I got lucky in the parent department.
Lucky does not mean my parents were perfect. To this day I can point to specific examples where I felt I was overprotected or given unfair consequences. Some of which my mom will acknowledge, some of which she “forgot” about.
Lucky to me means that I can also point to specific examples where my mom was willing to reconsider her initial stance. By reconsidering, I do not mean she “gave in.” Michele Barmore does not “give in” just to make things easier for herself. But sometimes she changes her mind. She would set an expectation or a consequence, I would talk with her about how I felt it was unreasonable for specific reasons and, at times, she would reassess and change her position to a more reasonable one when she felt it was the right thing to do.
The thing I appreciate about my mom, which came with time and understanding, is her consistency in her vision for raising my sister and me. Once she set her destination, she didn’t just put the car on cruise control and keep the wheel straight. She made the necessary turns, took detours when she hit a dead end, slowed down when she needed to, and sped up when she could. Knowing she was going to get there.
My mom is not the perfect parent. Luckily, she never tried to be. No parent ever is, but my mom approached, and still approaches, parenting (and her interactions with all kids) intentionally and with focus on what is important to her.
In my work I have seen many parents with similar goals for their children, however, unlike many of the parents I see, I feel fortunate that my mom has always held herself to her true north.
I was not just raised to be an accountable child. I was raised by an accountable adult.
Bryer Barmore LMFT, CMHS
