Now that you have written the expectations, and BEFORE you put them into effect, the next step is to go over them with your child. If your child is of reading age or ability, then have them read the expectations out loud to you. For younger children and non-readers, you will obviously have to do the reading. Note: Adding visuals next to the text (for any aged kids) is a good idea. For non-readers it is essential, but for proficient and developing readers it is just an additional helpful tool.
Read the first of this three post series EXPECTATIONS: Establishing Expectations.
Discuss. Now is the time for you to talk about the expectations you or your child just read. Because your list will have only the behaviors you WANT, discussion time is when you will also talk about the No’s and Don’ts (the behaviors or choices that you are wanting to discourage and eliminate) and also the consequences if the expectations are not followed. For instance, if your child often throws their food, or spits it out. You will explain that starting (next meal? tomorrow? Monday…?) the expectation is: Food is for eating only. And the consequence for not following the rules/expectations will be__________? (More on that in Part 3.)
There are ways to make the discussion fun, and one way is by giving scenarios. This is especially helpful for younger kids and it also helps you determine their level of understanding. You can ask “Is it following the rules/expectations to put your corn in your cup at dinner?” “How about if you squish lasagna in your napkin?” “Would it be ok to pour milk on your plate?” Hopefully, they say no, (that those examples would not be following the rules/expectations). If they don’t say no, or they seem unsure, then model it for them. (In other words, show them what you want eating dinner to look like.)
Next, have them PRACTICE! That is how we get better at anything, right? You could offer a fun snack and ask if they want to show you what they have learned to prepare for the next successful dinner at the table!
*The list of expectations should ALWAYS be displayed where they can be seen by the child in the environment you are expecting that behavior in! The most important reason for writing them out is so that they are visible, to serve as a reminder of what you are expecting. Out of sight, out of mind is absolutely true here, so find the perfect spot to post the list and keep it there!! Ideally you would refer to it often by looking at or pointing to it for either redirection, “Don’t forget that your food is only for eating” or even better would be using it for praise. “Great job staying in your seat!”
Remember, the entire point of all these steps is so that you know for certain your child understands what is being asked of them. Assuming they know can cause frustration and misunderstandings. Before consequences for non-compliance can be set, these other steps must be in place.
Next up: Executing Expectations (Part 3)
