Here is the thing. I am very much about “owning it”. In fact, I initially planned to name my website: Own It! Raising Children to Be Accountable. Owning it to me means not making excuses for things we can control. It also means acknowledging where we are lacking and doing better going forward.
However, I completely acknowledge that there are legitimate reasons why change can be difficult to achieve at certain times. That does not mean you shouldn’t try, or that there aren’t smaller steps that can be taken towards helping the dynamic between you and your child, but it may mean that significant change isn’t possible at the moment.
There are emotional, physical and even situational examples that can make implementing and sticking to boundaries very difficult.
If you are struggling, whether emotionally or physically, being consistent and following through will be a greater challenge. Intentional parenting when you are exhausted or dealing with other factors that derail your focus is not going to look the same as when you are rested and have no aches or pains in your body or your heart.
Likewise, there are situational examples that can have the same affect. One that seems to have become increasingly more common are parents living with a family member or friend. If you are not living in a space that feels like your “own” then you may be limited in what you feel comfortable doing. For instance, if you are trying to help teach your child to sleep through the night but they cry every time you leave the room, you won’t experience the same level of success with the sleep training if you decide to stay in the room until they fall asleep. You may be worried the crying will negatively affect your living situation; therefore, you are not able to take the necessary steps to change your approach to your child’s sleep patterns at that time.
Bottom line, if you are wanting a change in your child’s responses, you will need to change your approach to your child.
Before attempting to change your approach and deciding to try something new, you first need to honestly access “Is change possible for me right now?” Changing how we are accustomed to interacting with others, be it our children or anyone else, is not easy.
I can tell you that the greater the need for change, the more intentional you will need to be. But rest assured, once you are ready and able to deliver reasonable, clear and consistent messages to your child you will see the positive improvements in your child’s responses! It will be all the reward you need to keep doing what you are doing!
